Latest requests for help. What to do if your wife leaves for someone else? What to do if your wife finds someone else

A family nest is that corner of heaven on earth that pacifies, nourishes with energy, gives strength and gives meaning to life. Family is the place where a person feels as comfortable and cozy as possible, where he has contact with the people most pleasant to him - his soul mate and his children. Men, although they try to be courageous and hide their trepidation towards people close to them, equally, along with women, experience the most tender feelings for their child, and also treat their wives with an incredible sense of possessiveness. Therefore, a very unpleasant moment in the life of every man is the situation when his wife falls in love with another.

Preconditions that push a woman to commit adultery

It often happens that a seemingly strong family breaks up for no reason, out of the blue. People wonder: how did this happen? After all, the union was so reliable, exemplary, prosperous and prosperous. But even in the most decent and socially exemplary family there are discords. And if society is accustomed to the fact that men often, due to their forty-year-old crises or their breed of “alpha male,” exceed the boundaries of marital conditions, then a woman’s betrayal is much less common. Out of the blue a problem falls on a man - his wife has fallen in love with someone else. What to do?

The point is that the problem does not come out of nowhere. Any situational model of human behavior has its own explanation; it is preceded by a certain prerequisite. And if a man believes that this love of his unfaithful wife is a surprise, then he is deeply mistaken. There are many possible variations and circumstances that could push a woman into adultery, namely:

• fading feelings towards her husband;
• inattention from the spouse;
• tired life and thirst for new sensations;
• termination of intimacy between husband and wife;
• psycho-emotional stress;
• women’s worries due to age imbalance;
• family crisis;
• financial insolvency of a man;
• a disease that devours a woman from the inside and requires oblivion, often manifested in intimate relationships on the side.

We can talk for a long time about the possible causes of female infidelity towards her husband, but still, they all have the same background - a failure in the psychological state and emotional instability of a woman who is confused in herself. But if a wife falls in love with someone else, is the husband to blame?

Is the husband to blame for his wife's betrayal?

Men are not used to admitting their mistakes. In life, they believe that their decision is the only correct way out of a given situation. It always seems to them that their actions are completely logical and justified, and if something goes wrong, then it is certainly not their fault. This, they say, is a coincidence. It’s the same in a situation with adultery: if a wife falls in love with someone else and cheats, it’s entirely her fault, the shameless wretch! However, rarely does one of the representatives of the stronger half of humanity think that his share of guilt in what happened is prohibitively large. After all, even if we think purely logically: what can motivate a woman whose family has an idyll, order, coherence in relations with her husband, love and mutual understanding, trust and regular passionate sex? Will the idea of ​​“having fun with someone else” on the side really come into her head? Hardly. It’s just that it’s much easier for men to think that what happened was not their fault at all, and that it was the woman who broke up the family. They don’t think about the fact that it is they, the men, who are shifting the leverage over the situation with adultery. How? Everything is very simple and easy to explain.

What is the man’s fault that his wife fell in love and left for another? There may be a lot of possible oversights and omissions on his part:

• Disrespectful attitude towards your spouse. It is unlikely that any woman will like it when her husband treats her like a wall, and does not consider her either as a wife, or as a woman, or as a person.
• Regular absence from home. If a man is used to staying at work until late, after which he does not miss the opportunity to drink a few glasses of beer at a local pub after a hard day’s work, and then devotes the whole weekend to fishing with friends, then it is not surprising that a woman, out of loneliness, climbs the wall and ends up running to the left.
• Neglecting your spouse's requests. If your wife asks you to give her some time and go with her to her beloved mother-in-law to help in the garden, or to fix a shelf in the bathroom that is about to fall off and fall on someone’s head, or to screw in a new light bulb in the spotlight in the yard, because the previous one has already burned out a month and a half ago, which means you need to listen to her at least once and do what she asks. Ignoring a woman’s requests on the part of her husband tells her about his disrespectful attitude towards her, about negligence, about neglect, after which, through indignation and anger, she comes to search for a more “flexible” young man.
• The reasons for this are to understand that if he started an affair on the side, then in ninety-nine percent of cases his wife knows about it or at least guesses. And this, undoubtedly, is a good reason for her to allow herself “revenge” in the same spirit.

In a word, it is completely in vain that the powers that be do not consider themselves to be the culprits of the situation when their spouses commit an act of treason. But if such a situation happened and the wife fell in love with another, what should the man do?

What to do if your spouse falls in love with someone else: first steps

Treason is a rather sensitive moment. A family whose home has been visited by infidelity will never be the same. Having learned about the adultery of a loved one, the deceived spouse, in a fit of anger, can chop so much wood that he will not deal with it for the rest of his life. After all, criminogenic incidents with murders or infliction of grievous bodily harm in a state of passion due to the infidelity of the victim are very common today. Therefore, in order to avoid stalemate situations, a man who finds out that his wife has fallen in love with another must be able to control himself and know how to act correctly.

First, you need to exhale. The moment of realization of the fact does not come immediately, but he hits her husband on the head with a butt and provokes him into a powerful surge of indignation and aggression. In turn, this aggression is instantly transformed into a fit of indignation and a thirst for physical violence against the unfaithful scoundrel and her accomplice in adultery. Therefore, the first thing a man should do when he learns about an unpleasant fact is to exhale and release everything on the brakes.

Secondly, it is necessary to retire to “think about” the current situation. No constructive decision has ever been made rashly. In order to understand what happened and decide what to do next, you need to be alone with yourself and your thoughts. If a wife falls in love with someone else, what should the husband do? The most important thing is not to get carried away and think carefully about what happened, identify the root of the problem, find out for yourself the reason for what happened and objectively consider yourself in the context of a possible culprit of adultery.

Thirdly, having let off steam and calmed down a little, build a constructive dialogue with your wife and ask her all the questions that concern a man. Only a correctly structured conversation and balanced decisions can lead to consensus and get out of the current situation in the most painless way for both spouses.

Building a constructive dialogue

If a wife falls in love with someone else, what should the husband do? How to build a conversation with her in such a way as not to break down, not to harm her and, without doing anything stupid, to find out from her the reasons for her inappropriate behavior? It is very important for a man to understand that female psychology is a subtle mental organization with a club of ornate thoughts, feelings, experiences, but sometimes a very stubborn character and independent opinion. Attempts to influence your wife using physical pressure will not solve anything; they can only aggravate the existing problem - this is very important to understand. And then, the desire to return the wife to the family should be grounded in cold reason and confident actions, and not in the hot temper and arrogant disposition of the “deceived” spouse.

If a wife has fallen in love with another, the psychologist’s number one advice for every man is to build a constructive dialogue with her. Over the long years of living together, he undoubtedly has accumulated a certain amount of knowledge about his woman, and thanks to it, he can safely pull the strings that will lead him to success as quickly as possible. What kind of strings could these be:

• ask the first straightforward question about whether it is serious or not - in most cases, a woman reproaches herself for betrayal on the very first day after it and is ready to give everything in the world to forget about this fleeting impulse and return to her family;
• if there is no immediate repentance, you need to find out about the woman’s immediate plans - in response, she will probably dryly and hesitantly describe the situation about leaving for the very same person who became the root of discord in the family; This is where you need to catch a moment of your wife’s weakness and hint to her about the precariousness of her position, since it is unknown whether her colleague in adultery will accept her for, so to speak, permanent residence;
• if, nevertheless, the wife is confident in her new passion and in his desire to accept her as a new mistress, which is very unlikely, it is worth mentioning joint children - this is the most powerful weapon for manipulating a woman in the current situation: hardly any mother is ready to leave calmly from a family where her hungry children are waiting for her;
• slowly and systematically, step by step, argument by argument, the husband should describe to his wife her future life with a new gentleman in a very unfavorable light, and her stay in the family from which she so uncertainly wants to leave - in the bright colors of a new harmonious life with new conditions, favorable for her.

Return or let go - that is the question

If a wife has fallen in love with another and hesitates, you need to use all the levers of influence on her, pull all the strings through which you can influence her final decision and try to save the crumbling marriage. But is it worth doing? Is it necessary to save a family that is on the verge of collapse? And what to do when a woman does not hesitate, but is firmly confident in her decision to leave - to return or let go of the unfaithful woman?

If your wife has fallen in love with someone else, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy. Thus, the specialist will outline to the unhappy spouse two lines of development of events and two important aspects that should be taken into account when deciding whether to try to return everything or let everything go.

First, you need to figure out whether a woman needs this: in most cases, it is immediately clear from her whether she is ready to build a new family with the alpha male who has just appeared in her life. Often women themselves are not sure of their desires and are very hesitant in choosing a further path.

Secondly, you need to figure out whether a man needs this: if he is ready to forgive his wife for her infidelity, if he wants to continue to contemplate this woman in the person of his wife further in life, then he needs to fight for her. But if a man feels the acrid aftertaste of jealousy and the bitter aftertaste of betrayal of his beloved woman, realizing that he will never be able to forgive her, it is better to release everything on the brakes and let such a spouse go immediately, without anyone needing a fight for her.

How to save a family

The wife fell in love with another... If this happened, the husband who loves her and is afraid of losing her should use all methods in the fight for her favor.

The first thing after a constructive conversation with her is to show her with all your appearance how he wants to see her in her previous place. By presenting several bouquets of flowers with appropriate notes, inviting her to a restaurant to continue communication about family affairs, and paying every possible attention to his wife, the man will thereby choose the right path to returning the confused lady to the family nest.

The second thing that should follow the first is maintaining a favorable microclimate in the family. Creating a cozy atmosphere with the whole family constantly spending time together will give a woman a feeling of need for this home, these children, this man. And it will take root in her desire to never leave the home of her happy family.

Drawing an analogy between male and female infidelity

It is wrong to compare male and female infidelity. If a husband admits to his wife that he has fallen in love with someone else, in ninety-nine percent of cases the woman will no longer be able to do anything to keep him. The thing is that a man often cheats with his body, and this is considered a minor one-time affair on the side. But if a representative of the stronger half falls in love, if feelings and hurt emotions are at play, then certainly neither tears, nor persuasion, nor scandals with his wife, nor even the manipulation of children will stop him.

A woman behaves completely differently. If a wife has fallen in love with someone else, the advice to her husband will be this - he must act immediately, quickly, but thoughtfully and carefully. If, of course, he wants to restore the family. It's just that a woman, if she cheats, does it differently from men - with her body. She cheats along with her feelings, she goes to another man, driven by passion, attraction, sincere emotions, called at least deep sympathy. But at the same time, she does not behave like a man in love with another lady. She responds to her husband’s tears, to his persuasion, and is even more vulnerable when it comes to children and their well-being, which is only possible in a full-fledged family, together with mom and dad. Therefore, if a wife falls in love with another man, it is much easier for her husband to return her to the family than if the situation were exactly the opposite.

Three ways to return your wife to the family

In order to return a wife to the family who has succumbed to emotions and lost her head because of another man, her husband should strain himself and use one of the methods that will help him put everything in its place:

• invite your spouse to dinner and, in a calm, cozy atmosphere, remind her of all the pleasant moments experienced together in marriage, of all the promises made to each other, of the vows made at the altar - both in sorrow and in joy - the woman will surely be touched and softened;
• using children as a deterrent is not very humane, but very effective;
• organize a test mini-quest for the wife: put in a prominent place a box with memories and the first movie tickets, the first photos together, persuade mutual friends to call the wife to talk about how not to leave the family, influence the spouse through her parents.

What not to do

What should a man who suddenly finds out that his wife has fallen in love with someone else not do? If the advice of a psychologist helps to understand what needs to be done in a given situation, then, in addition to this, they will also tell the man what not to do, namely:

• use assault;
• make a row with your wife;
• to look for her lover for reprisals;
• threaten the spouse with all sorts of physical attacks and revenge;
• turn children against their mother.

A man must understand that you can’t help grief with your fists. And if a wife fell in love with someone else, but did not cheat, this is the most compelling reason to bring her back and reconsider your attitude towards her. Perhaps the problem lies not in her, but in the spouse himself.

What to do if your wife fell in love with someone else and left?

There are cases when no methods work on a woman who has decided to leave her family, and she leaves her nest for years for a new admirer. At this moment, her husband finally begins to understand that he should have treated her differently, and then he would probably not have allowed a situation in which his wife would fall in love with someone else. Representatives of the stronger half should often think about how often they kiss and hug their beloved women, remind them of their love, spend time with them and pamper them because women bear the difficult burden of maintaining a family hearth and raising children. In order for a wife to fall in love with someone else, you still need to try to bring her to that degree of loneliness in which she simply vitally needs a person who can brighten up her everyday leisure time and help her forget her tired plates and frying pans. When men learn to value their wives, then their wives will stop leaving them for others.

Hello, I’m 33 years old, my wife is 3 years younger, we lived together for 9.5 years, 5 months ago my wife suggested breaking up, found someone else, we haven’t officially divorced yet, I’m on the verge, I know that I’m a man, but I can’t, I love her, my soul hurts, I don’t know what to do, I’m afraid that I won’t have time to “win” her again, it’s not much yet and I won’t be able to get her back at all, if the situation isn’t like this now!, she still communicates with me, but very reluctantly, according to her Everything is always great for her, she is now very very happy and they love each other without memory, her friend is from another city, we work here in the same company as her, he is married, has a daughter, but he and his wife also passed, promises my wife divorce her, but he’s dragging his feet, feeding my wife “breakfast” - she tells me all this herself when we see each other. Yesterday I wrote her an SMS “I want to see you”, the answer was “I don’t want to, I’m very far away”, I: “well, let’s not today”, the answer was “never”. As I see her, I’m trying to improve the relationship, but it’s all in vain, she’s friends with my sister, and she tells her that “as soon as he starts talking about our relationship, it pushes me away from him even more, but at the same time, “he doesn’t push the threshold, no surprises, nothing except rare flowers, SMS with confessions and poems, and what else does he want? (somehow strange, some kind of contradiction?!), but I rarely knocked on doorsteps, more often I call, write SMS with confessions, poems, but all to no avail, the fact is that it turns out that she did not love me for several years (as she says), they say they lived out of habit lately, but on this occasion she was silent, walked aloof, passive-depressive, answered my constant questions about her condition everything is fine, I’m just tired, I’m resting, don’t pay attention, she said that she was bored, I wanted to go out with my work friends, I let her go, but later, apparently, male friends also joined, 1 call was in 2009 (she was tired of our relationship and such a life, but she didn’t have anyone at that time, she offered to live separately), then in 2011, but these times I managed to convince her that everything would work out and be fine, the last final breakup call in January 2012 (she admitted that she fell in love with another person and wants to break up). I have shortcomings: 1) everyday life, mainly home, work, sometimes meetings with companies (I haven’t had any friends lately, so relatives and acquaintances have become domesticated) 2) my frequent job changes (I’m a sales manager), in during breaks I have no money, i.e. I’m on her neck, 3) I’m meticulous, I love order in everything, I can’t close my eyes to little things, I’m a bore, as she called me, 4) I couldn’t conceive children for 1 year, which of us is not exactly clear, and the last 5) I She hasn’t been happy with being in bed lately, although I wouldn’t say that at all, to which she replied that she was faking an orgasm. That's how it is. What do you think are my chances of getting her back? Right now she’s going through a period (of rose-colored glasses - ROMANCE, which she so lacked with me), which may pass, but what’s next, grinding in the relationship again?.. I think I should not let her forget about herself, periodically remind her ( well, within reason), show her that I’m changing for the better (I’m ready to make compromises for the sake of it), confess, court, invite her somewhere (right now things are tight, I’m out of work again, I’ll get a job one of these days), I should have everything it will work!!! But what exactly to do???
My sister, talking to her, realized that I simply don’t have a chance, she’s head over heels in love with a new friend, she says it’s better to forget her, start all over again, and try if you want, maybe something will work out. She's been blowing my mind about my wife, she says there's no time for interesting jobs right now, if you want to get her back, at least get a job that just pays well. So I spat on myself, my beloved, and decided to go for it. I thought that if the husband does not work, the wife can support him, and vice versa. Moreover, she likes her job, and she never wanted to quit, of course, she had problems at work, but not before quitting, and I didn’t like my work, so I went through it. I got over it until the relationship broke up.

In order to feel the love of your husband. the wife must hear the words that convey these feelings to her. It is difficult to imagine a happy family life in absolute silence about personal relationships, without such sweet words as “my sunshine,” “my joy,” “you are the most beautiful and the only one.” But often, after several years of living together, instead of these words, a cold and unpleasant emptiness forms in family relationships.

Wife loves another man

Life, life... How similar she is to women! It’s not for nothing that the word “life” is feminine. How fickle beauties can be, how unpredictable. Perhaps this, to some extent, distinguishes them from men. It cannot be said that all men can be quickly figured out. Men have a different unpredictability. And they know how to love and fall in love with others, despite their “marriage”. A stamp in a passport is not a guarantee that the love between a husband and wife will last forever.

My wife found someone else

Maxim, the surprising thing is that your wife’s affectionate behavior turns out to be abnormal for you! How did this happen in your family? that silence, diluted with swearing, has become the norm in your family. Do you seriously believe that when people are either silent or swear, this is normal and this can continue for a long time? And this is a full-fledged family?

Apparently, this situation suits you. But your wife - no.

My wife doesn't want to live with me

Yes, she initially took the initiative into her own hands and managed the budget and decided on what repairs to do. and how to relax. I relied on her. I tried to do something myself. but she said that I was doing everything wrong. Now I lost my job during the crisis. but I got a job at another job and it was a little tight until payday. although she had money, she said go and earn extra money. She and her friends began going out in the evenings to drink beer.

My wife says she doesn't love me

My wife says she doesn't love me. And she has no feelings for me. Kicks him out of the house. And she wants to live alone with her child. But I can’t leave her or the child. Because I love them both. And I’m still jealous of my wife. Tell me what to do next. And what to do?

Hello Andrei. Of course, it’s hard when you feel that your loved one doesn’t need you. This is very painful. Besides everything else, it is also humiliating.

Petrozavodsk SPEAKS

Let us remind you that Kirill Sallinen went missing on October 19, and was found only this morning. According to the official version, the man spent these two days in the forest. However, the wife noted a number of oddities. According to her, police officers found her husband completely unexpectedly, as soon as the relatives of the missing man, together with a clairvoyant, called specifically to search for the local police officer, went to the cemetery. As soon as they approached the probable location of the missing person, the police called and said that Kirill had been found, near the very cemetery where the clairvoyant led them.

Practical forum about true love

My wife is my second woman in life. After meeting, they got married less than a year later. I won’t bore you with specifics—the problem is that I was drinking. Not binge drinking, not regularly, 3-4 times a year - BD, NY, weddings. But the ambush is that, as they say, it’s rare but accurate. I drank myself to death. I myself understood that I couldn’t drink, so I avoided drinking friends, events at work, etc. But a month ago we went to the DR countryside, and I got drunk.

Psychology and socionics

We've been together for 8 years. For the first 3 years we met only on weekends (I came to her, because we lived in different cities). Then, in one “beautiful” moment, she called me and said that we needed to break up. We practically didn’t communicate for a whole year, but I never stopped loving her.

And a year later they got back together (the initiative came from her). Then I thought that it was all because of the distance and that we needed to live together.

Let them say - Mother is not a stepmother (Igor Nadzhiev’s wife and her daughter’s apartment)

Possibility of interactivity: comments, discussion, feedback on the broadcast, feed forum, comments using authorization on VKontakte, Facebook without registering on the PG website.

There is a scandal in the family of the Russian pop star of the 90s, Igor Nadzhiev, the singer claims that his wife Alla is being kicked out of his Moscow apartment by his own daughter. According to Alla Nadzhieva, being under the same roof with her own daughter and son-in-law has become mortally dangerous for her.

Commentaries on 1 Cor.

Art. 34-36 Let your wives be silent in the churches, for they are not allowed to speak, but to be in subjection, as the law says. If they want to learn something, let them ask their husbands about it at home; for it is indecent for a woman to speak in church. Has the word of God come from you? Or did it reach you alone?

Hello, my wife left me and I started to feel depressed, because we lived in a good, strong family, I’ve been living for two months now, and although I’m not living, I exist, and I have constant thoughts of death. I’m 36 years old, and it seems everything has collapsed, my friends are all somewhere disappeared immediately and it turned out that no one needed me. Only my daughter says how much she loves me, and this only inspires positivity for a minute, but you’re always alone and talking in silence, I can’t do this anymore, if not death then a mental hospital is guaranteed , and in this case, death is better.
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It seems to me that in the era of our righteous grandparents and grandparents, people seemed to stay together no matter what. In the fast-paced, perfectionistic world today, people seem to quit quickly no matter what. Should they stay or should they go?

And, of course, we're talking about grass that needs maintenance on the other side of the fence. If your partner is considering leaving you, here are some tips to help you navigate this painful chapter. Know that these are not all your mistakes. Despite what your partner may say, the fact that they are thinking of leaving you is not your fault!

kinglion183, age: 36 / 04/06/2016

Hello! Breaking up is always difficult and painful, but you have to hold on! Moreover, you have a daughter, your ray of light! Please don't think negative thoughts! Now, when the wound is so fresh, it seems that there is a dead end and there is no way out, but this is not so! Slowly come to your senses, work, take care of the child, you can go on vacation together, go skating, ride a bike, and you will please the baby and unwind yourself! You are young, there are many chances to fall in love again and start a family. All the best to you!

Like reeling in a fishing line, we all need to learn to reel our creative and active minds back to the present moment. The stories and scenarios we create seem so real, they actually make us feel feelings about things that didn't even happen. Catch yourself when you can and bring yourself back to reality - actual reality.

Don't make any big decisions: Don, don't even buy a new washer and dryer right now! The only thing you need to do is your basic self-care and necessary responsibilities. Continually ask yourself, “What do I need to do to take care of myself and my children?” When there is enough time, the tears and hysterics have passed, you will understand what to do. Making a decision from where you and your partner are right now is likely to be reactive rather than rational.

Irina, age: 28 / 04/06/2016

Don't you dare even think about death. You have a daughter who truly loves you, no woman will love you as devotedly as a daughter, don’t cripple her psyche with your departure, read articles about what happens to children’s souls from devoted fathers. Get at least three jobs, just so you don’t have time for stupid thoughts. Communicate with your daughter even via SMS, just don’t lose touch with the only being who truly loves you. Earn money for her, she still has to study and become an adult. Now think not about yourself, but about her. You can be of great use to your daughter in this difficult life.

There is nowhere to go that will be magically simple or bring permanent happiness. If you are both completely unaware that the relationship is over, or there is abuse, this relationship may be worth the wait. The solution will unfold and become clear over time.

Don't contact your partner. Therapist: Your partner may be confused and in a lot of pain right now, but you are not the best person for them to deal with this. You both need safe, objective, loving and frank people to support each of your very different needs. It's not good for you to constantly listen to every detail of your partner's ambivalence about the relationship, and it's not good for them to hear the daily details of your emotional pain.

TV, age: 45 / 04/06/2016

Hello!
What's stopping you from finding a new woman?
If the wife did this, then the door behind her should be closed forever. My wife also left me, hold on, we’ll break through!

Mikhail, age: 34 / 04/06/2016

Dear! I sympathize with you very much. It is certainly difficult to experience the collapse of a family or the passing of a loved one. A state of abandonment and uselessness haunts you. This is extreme stress. It’s not surprising that you want to forget yourself and not live. This condition affects many people in a similar situation. These are really very, very bitter feelings. But know one thing: time heals. These feelings will gradually subside, and you will be able to devote more time to various things. New acquaintances. Now you just need to live, live with what you have. Alone means alone. With a natural experience of loss. Your wife most likely had a reason why she left, it was her choice, try to forgive her. Your daughter loves you and needs your love, support her, and she will support you with her love. Believe that life will change. And this period will be a new stage in life. Perhaps the beginning of something we couldn’t even dream of. Little by little you will climb out, get used to it, and build your life differently. But by all means build. I wish you a productive and long life. And the most precious thing about her is love, experience and knowledge, the ability to survive difficulties, which you will later pass on to your daughter.

If you feel like you're feeling productive and it's important that you hear your partner's complaints and you can still maintain your self-esteem, then do it. However, if you feel like you're turning into a therapist or a bag puncher, it's best to set some limits.

And while they provide short-term relief, they will undoubtedly lead to long-term grief. Do you numb your senses with drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, shopping, gambling, food, dieting, purging, or obsessing over your appearance? Are you preoccupied with other relationships? Even depression can be a way of numbing yourself and avoiding painful emotions.

Julia, age: 31 / 04/06/2016

Hello. I really want to support you. I understand you perfectly, because my husband left me last August after 16 years of marriage. Left me with two small children. I loved it very much. I tried to do everything for him, but the more I did, the less it was appreciated. Two months is too short a time for things to get easier. A huge piece was torn out of you, from your life without anesthesia, and it takes time for the wound to heal. The larger the wound, the longer it takes. Don't think about the future, otherwise you will really go crazy. For three months I generally had a panic about how I would be alone, how I would honor the children.... but I tried to live for today. You need to move in small steps. There is a day, there are things that need to be done and that’s it. Just Believe me, it will become easier, for sure. It's been 8 months for me. I won’t say that everything has eased up, but it has definitely become calmer. Yes, from time to time both resentment and pain roll in, but now this is much less common. And life returned to normal, no one died or went crazy. Understand, it’s normal that you’re in pain now, there’s no other way, but the pain will gradually subside, and then it will go away completely, for sure. I am mentally close to you and hug you, hold on.....

The truth is that it is difficult to feel emotional pain, and it is difficult to feel the consequences of addictive behaviors to avoid emotional pain. However, only one of you will lead you to the other, and the other is a dead end path to pain relief. Once you find the right support and create tolerance for feeling difficult emotions, you will find that all feelings eventually pass. You can learn to receive comfort externally from others and internally from yourself.

Don't lose yourself: When a person is threatened with staying, his core sense of worth is extremely dangerous. The natural tendency is to wait, like an innocent puppy, to see if its owner will return. can be a level playing field between partners, can turn into a one-sided power game with all the power in the hands of the person considering leaving. Who would want to be potentially rejected by someone you love?

Tatyana, age: 37 / 04/06/2016

Good afternoon
I'm in my second marriage. And very happy. So, as they say, “If your wife leaves you, then you don’t know who’s lucky.” You have a daughter, you are still at a wonderful age for a man, your whole life is still ahead of you.
So, under no circumstances should you despair!
This means that somewhere near you is the only one you are still destined to meet.
Everything will be fine!

Sample action plan

But love, despite countless poems and country-western songs, is not enough. It requires shared values, commitment, maturity, spirituality, communication and education for a long-term relationship to live a long and healthy life. While it is important to remain open to working through relationship issues if your partner is willing to discuss them respectfully, it is also important that you stop giving all your attention to your partners' needs, needs, and feelings and begin to reclaim your own sense of power. You have been in okay before you met your partner, and if the relationship ends, you may be okay.

Mikhail, age: 45 / 04/07/2016

Hello. I have the same situation. Survived with a simple recipe. Dissolved in the child and work, and after 2 years he met a woman whom he fell in love with. Time heals, don't be afraid to look forward. Close your eyes and imagine how you will live in, say, a year. How would you like to live? Go for it. All bad things will go away. Oh yes. Several sessions with a psychologist helped me, although my woman dragged me there after a year of struggle)

Your partner may be unsure about the relationship, but what are you unsure about? What do you not want to live with? What would you need to be different if you two were together? Spend time doing things that bring you joy: In addition to practicing immediate self-care during a life crisis, it is important that you also begin, when you are ready, to use this time as an opportunity to find things that satisfy you. This will not only help you in present, but also creates hope for the future. And as a bonus, people who feel joy and do things that they feel passionate about are much more attractive to their partners than people who are chronically depressed and overly dependent.

Ruslan, age: 27 / 04/10/2016

Hello. I understand you! I am also almost 36 years old, and my wife, with whom I lived for 13 years, also recently left me. And exactly 13 years ago - we moved in together on the same day 13 years ago. I also have a daughter who loves me. I (and my wife) also now feel as if a large piece has been taken out of my body. The feeling of such a posthumous existence is creepy and lonely. The most frightening thing about breaking up was telling my daughter that my mother and I would live separately, although everything went fine. We said that husband and wife can separate, maybe for a while, maybe forever, but parents never separate - we both will always be her parents. And my wife and I remained the closest of friends. Don’t lose heart, focus on your daughter, on building a new relationship with your wife, and on yourself, of course. Personally, I’m going to remember what it’s like to run after skirts;) And about the relationship with your ex-wife - remember that it’s not easy for her now either. You are abandoned and lonely, and she left and feels terrible guilt. Well, that means for one reason or another she could no longer be happy with you, and everyone has the right to happiness, both she and you and your daughter, remember this

This may mean reclaiming the things you used to get passionate about and avoid. This may mean cultivating some new interests. What did you love that you gave up on when you met your partner? What have you always dreamed of doing but never had the time or courage?

When we give up important parts of ourselves for a relationship and the relationship is compromised, our stability is also compromised. When we are fulfilled and living a fulfilling life that we love, we may still grieve and face the unknown, but we will not abandon ourselves in the process. You may feel abandoned by your partner right now, but you don't have to give up on yourself.

Nikolay, age: 35 / 09/13/2016

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How to get rid of fear

Overcoming fears through social positivity

Fear and anxiety increase in a person if he generally feels wrong, bad, unpromising. If he unconsciously expects that he can be condemned, caught in wrongdoing, in failure. And our psyche is structured in such a way that it is not afraid of any accusation, but only of the one for which, as it seems to it, there are grounds. If you ask a mathematics professor: “Did you even study the multiplication tables?”, he will smile and say: “You know, I was probably sick that quarter.” If you say this to a poor student, he will turn red.

Andrea Wachter is a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-author of The Don't Diet, A Living Book. She has a private practice in Northern California and also offers low-cost teleconferencing to anyone around the world suffering from stress, anxiety, depression or addictions. Andrea is an inspiring counselor, author, and teacher who brings professional experience as well as personal restoration to those she works with. For more information about her book or her Stress Less newsgroup, please visit.

Yes, sometimes men are puzzled by such questions too. Today, in the age of women's emancipation, betrayal by the weaker sex has begun to occur more and more often. And we can say with confidence that no one is safe from them. What to do? Should I forgive my spouse? How to survive your wife's betrayal? What to do if your wife leaves for someone else? We will definitely talk about this and much more in this article.

Women who don't feel loved end up falling out of love and leaving their husbands. Learning how to make her feel loved now can prevent a world of pain later. Is the way to show your wife that you love her the weak link in your marriage? You must strengthen it so that your wife does not leave you.

In most cases, although they loved their wives throughout their marriage, they were not very good at showing it or expressing it. They thought that their wives would somehow understand how much they loved them, how hard they worked, or how much they helped around the house. While these behaviors are helpful, they do not create the emotional connection that a woman should love. If you're honest with yourself, you probably need more than just your wife working or raising kids to feel like she truly loves you.

How to survive your wife's betrayal and make decisions about the future of the family

First, let's figure out when it is necessary to save a family, and in what cases this should not be done. For example, my wife cheated only once. Your wife admitted everything and now wants everything between you to be the same as before. Naturally, it won't be the same as before.

You don't have to be weak to be loving.

You can be an agent of change not only to help your wife feel more loved by you, but also to inspire her to want to make you feel loved. Your wife is attracted to you, in part, because you are a man. Learning to express your love is not learning to speak like a woman. But it does mean that what you do and say is a testament to your wife. If there are problems or disagreements, you still need to deal with them, but with love. You can control without controlling and not express love as long as you feel human.

At least in the coming days. However, it is worth considering the possibility of saving your family, if only because your spouse no longer plans any trips to the “left”, and is ready to switch her attention to home and family. Of course, it is not easy for you to cope with your wife's betrayal, but remember that we all make mistakes and sometimes need forgiveness.

It’s another matter if the wife systematically cheats, and you know that she is going to leave the family in order to connect her life with her lover. In this case, there is no need to hold it.

If you don't know how to be strong and loving at the same time, use the resource, for example, to improve the way you express yourself. Wimpy and loving is a turn off. Strong but not loving is a turn off. But the combination of being strong and loving is very seductive for women.

It's not just what you say, it's how you say it. The most intimate conversation is a whisper, and the least intimate is a shout. The more you can make your words whisper, the more they will penetrate her heart. When you say something casually, they are likely to be ignored, and when you say something harshly, they raise their defenses - no matter how correct or good what you say is. Try whispering loving words to your wife every now and then.

If your wife's infidelity is systematic or she is serious about changing her husband, it is best for you to separate and not make any attempts to revive the relationship. Try to get over your wife's betrayal, concentrate on finding your soul mate and pay attention to new relationships.

But what if your situation falls into the first category? All in your hands. We hope the following tips will definitely help you develop the desired behavior model.

“I love you” are wonderful words and are best used in relationships where love is securely felt. It's like adding another log to a fire that's already burning well. But saying “I love you” is not the best way to create fire. If a woman no longer feels loved, these three little words sound stupid and simply remind her that she no longer feels loved. In this situation, your "I love you" may make her feel sad, cry, or even receive a hostile response.

To keep your wife from leaving, feed the flame of love

There are other things you can say that will help restore loving feelings in a marriage that is still intact. If your marriage is already broken, you'll need something else. Combined with loving behavior, your wife will feel important, valuable and needed, which is the essence of loving women. Here are some ways you can feed the flame.

How to survive your wife's betrayal and save your family

So, let's assume that you and your wife have come to the decision to keep the family together, despite her betrayal. What to do but not slide into reproaches and constant showdowns? How to get over your wife's betrayal and start trusting her again?

Talk to your spouse. If relationships in your family are built on trust and frankness, this will not be difficult. Discuss the current situation. Consider whether you should stay together. It would also be a good idea to figure out why they cheated on you in the first place - perhaps your wife is not happy with something in her relationship with you.

If you have children together, be sure to draw your wife’s attention to the fact that it is best for a child to grow up in a complete family. For this reason, it is worth trying to normalize relations.

Try to survive your wife's betrayal as a self-sufficient and adult person. Forgive her and start your relationship again. You can reinforce your agreement to start over with some kind of ritual: exchange something, say vows, go to the place you met, have a romantic dinner or vacation, etc. This moment will divide your life into before and after, this will allow both of you to break away from the old situation and live in a new one.

Under no circumstances should you try on the role of a victim, an “offended” person who constantly reminds you of the insult you once inflicted. This will make it easier for your couple to maintain their relationship, taking it to a new level, and for you to survive your wife’s betrayal.

The wife leaves for someone else. How to survive?

How to cope with your wife's departure and open your heart to a new relationship? For some reason, many people believe that men are insensitive creatures who, after a breakup, quickly forget their partners and quickly find replacements for them. In fact, everything is completely wrong - for any man, parting with a soul mate is a painful process. Do you want to cope with depression and believe in love again? Then stay with us!

The first thing you need to do if your wife leaves for someone else is to understand that not all women are the same. Yes, the breakup hurt your pride, especially if the breakup was initiated by your partner (and if she also cheated on you, then the resentment will probably be several times stronger). But, believe me, there are many women whom you want to love, who attract attention and conquer with their inner world. Among them there will definitely be your soulmate. The main thing is to believe in it and not close yourself off from others.

No matter how much it hurts, forgive the woman. If possible, talk to her and tell her that you don't hold a grudge. After all, if your wife leaves for someone else, there is a part of your fault in this. Besides, forgiveness will benefit you. As negativity accumulates in our souls, we become more and more depressed and embittered. In this case, you can’t talk about a happy life or the opportunity to meet your love. So, the most important thing is to forgive the person and wish him happiness. You'll see, it will become much easier!

It's good to switch gears and do something interesting. Take a vacation and go on a trip, start renovating your home, sign up for Chinese language courses, buy a membership to a fitness club. While your wife is leaving for someone else, it’s time not to “saw the sawdust” of your relationship with her, but to start a new life.

By the way, you can get excellent results by volunteering. You will have to communicate and work with a variety of people, and this will mean new experience, new acquaintances and... the realization that there are no hopeless situations in life. By the way, it is quite possible that you will meet your soulmate among the volunteers - anything can happen...

Don’t accumulate negativity in yourself - be sure to talk to someone. If you cannot confide in your parents or friends, consult a psychologist. Feel free to do this - there's nothing wrong with it. It’s much worse if you withdraw into yourself - life will become more difficult. By the way, you can always chat about how to survive your wife’s departure on the Internet on various forums. People who have already passed this stage will write to you, and you will see that parting is not a reason to stop enjoying life!

You should not force your wife to continue the relationship in the format of friendship: it is impossible to be friends with your exes, no matter what they tell us. It hurts, and you don't want to go back to pain. Start a new life by taking as your motto a slightly modified version of the famous line from the song: “if a wife leaves for someone else, then no one knows who is lucky!”

A lot depends on the atmosphere within the family. And this calm environment is greatly disturbed if the spouse decides to leave for a completely different representative of the stronger sex.

Returning to normal after this is not an easy task, but there is no other way. Everyone knows that life only gives us problems that we can solve. The main thing here is time. You can't dwell on the problem. You need to find the strength to move on in life.

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This is not a dream, but reality!

First, you should realize that this is not a joke or a dream. Everything happens in all seriousness, here and now in real life. This can be called a lesson from life, which brought pain, but still a lesson. This means that something in your life needs to change: a goal, aspiration, your values ​​or views. A relationship is something that is divided into two. If they are violated, then both sides made mistakes.

It is worth thinking carefully about where the miscalculation was made. Thus, the beautiful person made her last attempt to attract your attention to herself. Now you need to put all your thoughts together and make an analysis of this morally difficult event. If you change your behavior, then maybe your wife will return to you. It is not difficult. Remember how your relationship began, what you were like, and how you were able to win her heart.

But if a woman no longer intends to return, then no matter how difficult it is, she will have to put an end to this and move on with her life, without relying on attachment to her. Clarification of relationships, disputes and showdowns will no longer help here and will not fix anything. It doesn’t matter anymore who is right and who is wrong. The only important thing is that this difficult situation must be experienced from the psychological, physical and material sides.

How should we behave now?

A new model of behavior needs to be built based on your attitude towards yourself, your now ex-wife and everyone around you.

• Of course, self-pity will immediately arise. It must be rejected from the beginning, not allowing it to go far. To extinguish this, you can overload yourself with work, household chores or sports. Don’t forget about mental stress, which will drive away bad thoughts. An extra shift at work or a small part-time job is perfect. It would not be superfluous to check your financial situation. Check who the property is registered in, what the current balance is on each account, this is also very important. If there is a search for a new place of residence, use this to quickly realize the fact of betrayal. You will be able to react to this much more calmly, and the taste for life will return to you.
• You will have hatred towards your wife or a desire to beg her to come back. This won't help you at all. A woman is responsible for her own needs. You are not suitable for her, then she is not suitable for you either. In the end, it's only for the better. However, it is worth resolving all the problems of the money plan. You need to understand how to conduct educational activities in relation to children, if you have them. The discussion of this nuance should be carried out carefully and without unnecessary nerves and try to resolve all the nuances without swearing. Let the divorce process go smoothly. There is no need to make an enemy; it is better to part ways diplomatically.
• The largest number of problems lie in your environment. Mutual friends will stop being mutual, accepting the point of view of one of you, or they will try to reconcile you, and use different and sometimes rude methods. In addition, you will learn new and terrible facts. There are two ways to go here. You can simply go somewhere for a long period and simply hide from problems. This may not sound very good, but this method will help preserve nerve cells. If, nevertheless, this method does not appeal to you, then you can not avoid troubles, but begin to understand the attitude of your acquaintances and friends towards you, throwing aside illusions. Restoring calm will be difficult, but it is a nobler option.

Is it possible to return everything?

In most cases, a man will want to fight for his happiness and try to get everything back. Does this make sense? After all, there is a possibility that the man simply made the wrong choice at one time, especially if very little time has passed since the marriage. When the courtship period is still ongoing, a person may not open up completely.

It takes a lot of time to understand everything completely. Maybe your consciousness was trying to hint to you that something was wrong, but you didn’t understand it or simply ignored it? And now everything has become clear. You just need to accept that you made a mistake and not try to return the one with whom you cannot be together.

But there is another situation. The wife decided to leave her husband, although they had lived happily ever after for many years. This decision was made very, very difficult, but most likely, they were thought out as well as possible, and the reasons for leaving were indeed very significant.

There is no point in focusing on getting her back. The woman left voluntarily, and no one forced her. She made this choice herself. You can't change it. Of course, her decision may change, but this certainly cannot be influenced by persistent demands or constant quarrels and showdowns.

For a woman to decide to cheat, she needs not a single reason, but a whole set of needs. Which were not satisfied in a timely manner. You can try to discuss what happened with her. But remember that this rarely produces any significant results for you. At such a time, all the accumulated negativity from family life and feelings of guilt from what they have done are mixed up in a woman, which means she is not able to give normal, intelligible answers.

The stronger sex also cannot reason normally and adequately at this time. He is filled with misunderstanding of the situation and strong grievances. It happens that over time, the couple begins to see each other, and both of them come to understand the feelings of each of you. Here communication begins from scratch. But the relationship will no longer be the same. This will be a new period of life. And other relationships will begin between new people.

Summarizing all of the above, we can conclude that if your wife left you for another man, start looking for problems and shortcomings in yourself, rather than blaming your ex-wife for everything. After all, she is leaving for a reason; she definitely has good reasons for this.