How not to talk to a child. How to tell a child "no

Every parent wants their child to grow up smart, successful and the best. But children cannot be perfect in everything. They do not have such buttons that you can press and improve the skill.

Children are not toys. They need the right upbringing and a unique approach, especially if you have a large family. Each child should develop with your help in accordance with the skills and abilities inherent in him. Sometimes parents make enough mistakes that they should pay attention to. There are some rules on how it is absolutely impossible to raise a child.

Phrases that should never be said to children

Words of reproach, annoyance, irritation and other negative formulations can offend a little person very much. He can become very insecure or insecure. From childhood, he will feel unworthy of someone's love and praise. You need to learn to tell your child only what should not hurt his feelings or offend.

If you want your child to grow up independent and confident, then don't yell at him if he can't do something. You should not grab a thing from his hands with the words “you can’t do anything, I’ll do everything myself,” because gradually he will completely lose the desire to do anything himself, and he will try to shift the responsibility onto someone else. It is better to offer him your help as carefully as possible. Explain to him exactly where he is wrong, but only do it with kindness and love. And don't forget to praise your child.

Never tell a child “and why are you like this to me!”, “Who were you born into this?”. A phrase that, perhaps, will not have a certain meaning for you, is sure to hurt the feelings of the child. Mothers usually say such words without even noticing how they fly out of their mouths. The child, often hearing them, immediately understands that mom is not in the mood today, and comes to the conclusion that he himself is to blame for everything.

And if your child was seriously wrong: he got into a fight, offended a younger person, insulted an adult or hit a cat, then you need to talk to him seriously. Many parents simply do not know how to start such a conversation, so they immediately begin with the phrase "I will give birth to another child for myself." You, of course, do not think this is serious, but your child is immediately frightened and quiet. It seems to you that now he is listening to you, so you continue to aggravate the situation. You do not think about how deeply these words can hurt your child.

Basically, the complexes that appear in adolescents who consider themselves unworthy of someone's friendship and love arose in childhood, when they were convinced that they were so bad that it would not even be a pity to change them for another child.

But there are words that are a hundred times worse than the previous ones. "I don't need you!" Parents usually begin to carefully monitor their words when the child gets older, but at a time when the child is still very young, they say everything that comes into their head on emotion, justifying themselves by saying that the child still does not understand anything. But it's not. “I got it!”, “Get away from me!”, “I don't want to see you!”… Young children understand much more than inexperienced parents might think.

The child hears everything and pays much more attention to everything than in adolescence, when your irritation will not be taken to heart. In his almost adult world, there is where to go, to whom to complain, with whom to discuss problems. And little children have nowhere to go, he cannot be offended and run away to a friend. You are his support and support, he will disappear without you, the poet continues to stand and listen to your nasty things. He won't even answer you because he doesn't know yet if he's right. He will not be able to explain to you that you are not quite right.

Also You can’t blame a child for being born a boy or a girl. Little boys are shamed if they cry or get offended, because it is the privilege of girls, and girls are shamed for being sloppy or fighting. If your child is not behaving quite the way you should, then try to explain it to him without using words indicating gender.

In adult life, girls may encounter infringement of rights from young people who were assured in childhood that girls are the weaker sex, who have little or no right to their own opinion or to equality. Young people, on the other hand, can accidentally stumble upon such ladies who will assume that all young people are rude and impudent, who need nothing but food and football. In adult life, boys and girls will face some disagreements, so do not aggravate everything from childhood.

Very often a child can hear the words that he has already grown up. It is sometimes very useful if this phrase is used appropriately. For example, you can tell the child that he is already big in order to help his mother if he wants to, or to make something with his own hands. The child must be sure that the word "big" is not only difficulties and ended childhood, but also an opportunity to make their own choice.

A big problem is formed when another baby appears in the house. Here the eldest child automatically becomes big for the parents, even if he is still only four years old. In this case, parents forget that the older child is still very small and that he, just as before, needs your care and love. If you constantly talk about the fact that he is already big, then you can put in the baby the idea that they completely stopped loving him when another baby appeared. Hatred of a brother or sister may increase in your child, which will greatly hinder the establishment of good relations in the family.

Thus, you need to raise a child thinking about what you say and do. Your every harsh word or action can hurt your child very much.

How not to talk to a child...

Every mother wants her baby to be perfect. She does not want strength and ... words for this.

Words of annoyance, anger, irritation, hurt much more than a harmless slap. Listen to what you say!

"What you clumsy!"

No, he will never learn to walk in a straight line, eat neatly, dress himself and not stumble out of the blue! Well, why do you have to stick both hands into one sleeve and squeeze the spoon with your whole fist! Mom in despair: "What a goof you are!" For others, children are like children - they don’t fall into a puddle in festive clothes, only her dirty and muddled man tears tights, stains shirts, spills milk, brushes a sugar bowl off the table with his elbow.

But the hurtful words that mother utters in her hearts are completely useless. Moreover, they cause the opposite effect: out of fear of doing something wrong, the baby makes the same mistake and the wrong skill is fixed. Of course, in the end he will learn to hold a spoon and even a fork, but this will happen later. Parents are impatient, it seems to them that it is so simple - fasten every single button, from top to bottom, carefully tie the laces. If the child does it uncertainly, slowly, topsy-turvy, it means that he is lazy, and maybe out of spite ... But what is the point in endless reproaches? Pity your own nerves. One fine day, you will be pleasantly surprised to see how the baby ate the soup without spilling a drop on the tablecloth, and, most interestingly, without any prodding. It's just that the time has come and he has learned.

"Don't get in the way!"

A reproach from the same series. The little man is slow, and when you are in a hurry, he naturally comes across you at every step, crawls under your arm, interferes. Because of him, you knocked over a glass of milk, stretched out in the middle of a dark corridor, tripped over a children's truck, missed a pie in the oven, because at the decisive moment he distracted you with a stupid question. But then again - where does the baby? Do not blame your everyday failures on your child, be more careful and attentive yourself.

If you are working or you need to be alone, to relax, the phrase "Go out and close the door on the other side" usually does not help. Rather, it helps, but exactly for five minutes. The little sticky fish doesn't want to exist without its mom and dad for anything, and you won't get rid of it that easily. There are probably children who sit in their corner and fiddle with toys for hours - your imagination helpfully draws you such an angel. Alas, yours is not like that, and in order to teach him not to be bored alone, there are few moralizing. Annoyance won't help either. It takes imagination and ingenuity. Exclamations "How tired of you!" and "There's no getting away from you!" very sad to hear. Imagine being told this!

"If you don't sleep..."

Children are afraid of the dark. By no means do everyone fall asleep with their head barely touching the pillow, and in general they absolutely do not want to sleep! Threats here are completely meaningless - they only injure the psyche, exacerbate the natural fear of darkness and loneliness. Imagine that you got lost at night in the forest - this is how the baby feels on the eve of sleep, and the closeness of mom and dad behind the wall does not console him. "If you don't sleep, Baba Yaga will fly in!" - you say, because you do not believe in Baba Yaga. But your child believes in good and evil wizards. Do not scare him with evil ones, it is better to call the good ones for help - for example, Ole Lukoye with his fabulous umbrella. Tell or read something funny with a happy ending. This little ritual will take you less energy than the nightly hassle: "I said - sleep! Well, that's it, put out the light!" By the way, nothing

terrible if the baby is used to falling asleep with a night light. Do not take away this circle of light from him and do not be ashamed of his cowardice.

"Don't Come"

This frightened cry can only bring up a coward. If an adult is pathologically afraid of dogs, then the reason for this is most likely that in childhood he heard too often: "Don't come near! It will bite!".

Just as parents can provide a child with good nutrition, good sleep, and proper hygiene, they can also ensure mental health.

What, to allow the fool to climb into the mouth of someone else's dog? In fact, this is much less dangerous than instilling in him a fear of animals. If a person is afraid of a dog, what will he do in an extreme situation? Don't go near fire, don't go near water, don't stand on a steep bank, don't climb into a puddle! It seems to you that he has not yet matured enough to paddle his feet on the water and wallow in shallow water on his own. Aren't you afraid that he will never decide on this? Children are much more careful than we think. They are not at all fearless Mowgli, and when they take a new step to comprehend their own capabilities, all that is required of us is not to interfere. Here to insure, without focusing on this attention, is another matter.

If the cry "Do not come!" broke out from a caring mother when her baby approached another child in the sandbox, it's time for such a mother to drink valerian at night.

"You're a boy!" "You're a girl!"

Boys are so ashamed if they cry, are afraid and offend girls. With these words, the girls are reproached for their inaccuracy with untidy toys, for arranging a bunch of small things and a fight. It is believed that boys should not cry, and girls should not fight with shoulder blades. Girls are forgiven for one thing, boys for another, and vice versa. But if the endless reminder of who is who is abused, the child may consider the opposite half to be somehow flawed. Especially if you read morality from the contrary: "Well, you're not a girl to whimper over trifles!" The boy concludes that all the girls are crybabies, it's a pleasure to pull the hair and check.

Imagine being told this!

And the girl who made a mess in the room remembers that only boys do this. They are generally nasty and rude, because my mother, having heard from her a "word" brought from kindergarten, said: "You're not a boy to put it like that!" In the future, girls and boys will still have so many reasons for quarrels and misunderstandings ... Maybe it’s not worth aggravating their relationship from childhood?

"And who are you born into!"

The phrase is completely innocent for you, just a mechanical sigh, but, of course, with a negative connotation. "I gave birth on my own head" sounds sharper and also does not carry any constructive information. Saying this, the mother often does not even bother to explain why she is unhappy. The child, having heard that he was born somehow not like that, understands one thing: his mother is not in the mood. How often she is not in the mood, preoccupied, upset, sad ... Probably, the baby thinks, it's because of me, I'm to blame for everything ...

But your "bunny" really did something wrong: he hit his little sister, took candy without asking, and you decided to talk to him seriously. You speak, but he does not hear. What is it to get through? "I'll take another child for myself," you say, of course, without believing your own words for a second. And you see how suddenly your baby was frightened and surprised. Helps! .. "Another boy," you lie with inspiration, "can't wait until I change mine, naughty, for him, good, neat, kind, not greedy." These utterly false words shock your gullible son or daughter. It is not known how deep

they sink into the soul and how painfully they hurt it. Perhaps the complexes that so rudely come to light in adolescence were sown in childhood, when the child was inspired that he was so bad that he could even be exchanged for another ...

"You're already big!"

The phrase is useful if it is pronounced appropriately and not too often. The "big" boy will not offend the younger one, the "big" girl will set the table herself and wash the plate after herself. With the word "big" mother shows her faith in the child's capabilities: he will reach the right place with his legs, endure when he is thirsty, will not whimper and be capricious when he is tired. Do not forget to remember this phrase when you go to the theater with your child, to the circus, take him with you as an adult guest, so that the word "big" is not associated only with difficulties that must be overcome. The child should know that being big is also profitable.

It is more difficult if another baby has appeared in the family. At this point, the elder automatically becomes big, even if he is not even three. How often in this case, parents forget that he is, in fact, very small and immensely in need of affection and tenderness. Endlessly appealing to his seniority, you can inadvertently plant in the elder the conviction that he is not loved. They only love the little ones.

Why must he always yield to him, hand over the best toys, clean up for two, and pay the price alone for common wrongdoings? Why is mom endlessly touched by a tiny brother or sister, and the older one seems to be dead? Are you not afraid that your half-abandoned "big" will hate the crumbs adored by everyone - the little one?

"I Don't Need You"

Words of annoyance, anger, irritation, hurt much more than a harmless slap. Listen to what you say!

"What you clumsy!"

No, he will never learn to walk in a straight line, eat neatly, dress himself and not stumble out of the blue! Well, why do you have to stick both hands into one sleeve and squeeze the spoon with your whole fist! Mom in despair: "What a goof you are!" For others, children are like children - they don’t fall into a puddle in festive clothes, only her dirty and muddled man tears tights, stains shirts, spills milk, brushes a sugar bowl off the table with his elbow.

But the hurtful words that mother utters in her hearts are completely useless. Moreover, they cause the opposite effect: out of fear of doing something wrong, the baby makes the same mistake and the wrong skill is fixed.

Of course, in the end he will learn to hold a spoon and even a fork, but this will happen later. Parents are impatient, it seems to them that it is so simple - fasten every single button, from top to bottom, carefully tie the laces. If the child does it uncertainly, slowly, topsy-turvy, it means that he is lazy, and maybe out of spite ... But what is the point in endless reproaches? Pity your own nerves. One fine day, you will be pleasantly surprised to see how the baby ate the soup without spilling a drop on the tablecloth, and, most interestingly, without any prodding. It's just that the time has come and he has learned.

"Don't get in the way!"

A reproach from the same series. The little man is slow, and when you are in a hurry, he naturally comes across you at every step, crawls under your arm, interferes. Because of him, you knocked over a glass of milk, stretched out in the middle of a dark corridor, tripped over a children's truck, missed a pie in the oven, because at the decisive moment he distracted you with a stupid question. But then again - where does the baby? Do not blame your everyday failures on your child, be more careful and attentive yourself.

One fine day, you will be pleasantly surprised to see how the baby ate the soup without spilling a drop on the tablecloth, and, most interestingly, without any prodding. It's just that the time has come and he has learned. If you are working or you need to be alone, to relax, the phrase "Go out and close the door on the other side" usually does not help. Rather, it helps, but exactly for five minutes. The little sticky fish doesn't want to exist without its mom and dad for anything, and you won't get rid of it that easily. There are probably children who sit in their corner and fiddle with toys for hours - your imagination helpfully draws you such an angel. Alas, yours is not like that, and in order to teach him not to be bored alone, there are few moralizing. Annoyance won't help either. It takes imagination and ingenuity. Exclamations "How tired of you!" and "There's no getting away from you!" very sad to hear. Imagine being told this!

"If you don't sleep..."

Children are afraid of the dark. By no means do everyone fall asleep with their head barely touching the pillow, and in general they absolutely do not want to sleep! Threats here are completely useless - they only injure the psyche, exacerbate the natural fear of darkness and loneliness. Imagine that you got lost at night in the forest - this is how the baby feels on the eve of sleep, and the closeness of mom and dad behind the wall does not console him. "If you don't sleep, Baba Yaga will fly in!" - you say, because you do not believe in Baba Yaga. But your child believes in good and evil wizards. Do not scare him with evil ones, it is better to call the good ones for help - for example, Ole Lukoye with his fabulous umbrella. Tell or read something funny with a happy ending. This little ritual will take you less energy than the nightly hassle: "I said - sleep! Well, that's it, put out the light!" By the way, nothing terrible if the baby is used to falling asleep with a night light. Do not take away this circle of light from him and do not be ashamed of his cowardice.

"Don't Come"

This frightened cry can only bring up a coward. If an adult is pathologically afraid of dogs, then the reason for this is most likely that in childhood he heard too often: "Don't come near! It will bite!". See also: The world - and I am in it - Child mental health. What can parents do.
Just as parents can provide a child with good nutrition, good sleep, and proper hygiene, they can also ensure mental health.
What, to allow the fool to climb into the mouth of someone else's dog? In fact, this is much less dangerous than instilling in him a fear of animals. If a person is afraid of a dog, what will he do in an extreme situation? Don't go near fire, don't go near water, don't stand on a steep bank, don't climb into a puddle! It seems to you that he has not yet matured enough to paddle his feet on the water and wallow in shallow water on his own. Aren't you afraid that he will never decide on this? Children are much more careful than we think. They are not at all fearless Mowgli, and when they take a new step to comprehend their own capabilities, all that is required of us is not to interfere. Here to insure, without focusing on this attention, is another matter.

If the cry "Do not come!" broke out from a caring mother when her baby approached another child in the sandbox, it's time for such a mother to drink valerian at night.

"You're a boy!" "You're a girl!"

Boys are so ashamed if they cry, are afraid and offend girls. With these words, girls are reproached for carelessness with untidy toys, for arranging a bunch of small things and a fight. It is believed that boys should not cry, and girls should not fight with shoulder blades. Girls are forgiven for one thing, boys for another, and vice versa. But if the endless reminder of who is who is abused, the child may consider the opposite half to be somehow flawed. Especially if you read morality from the contrary: "Well, you're not a girl to whimper over trifles!" The boy concludes that all the girls are crybabies, it's a pleasure to pull the hair and check.
Imagine being told this! And the girl who made a mess in the room remembers that only boys do this. They are generally nasty and rude, because my mother, having heard from her a "word" brought from kindergarten, said: "You're not a boy to put it like that!" In the future, girls and boys will still have so many reasons for quarrels and misunderstandings ... Maybe it’s not worth aggravating their relationship from childhood?

"And who are you born into!"

The phrase is completely innocent for you, just a mechanical sigh, but, of course, with a negative connotation. "I gave birth on my own head" sounds sharper and also does not carry any constructive information. Saying this, the mother often does not even bother to explain why she is unhappy. The child, having heard that he was born somehow not like that, understands one thing: his mother is not in the mood. How often she is not in the mood, preoccupied, upset, sad ... Probably, the baby thinks, it's because of me, I'm to blame for everything ...

But your "bunny" really did something wrong: he hit his little sister, took candy without asking, and you decided to talk to him seriously. You speak, but he does not hear. What is it to get through? "I'll take another child for myself," you say, of course, without believing your own words for a second. And you see how suddenly your baby was frightened and surprised. It helps!.. "The other boy," you lie with inspiration, "can't wait until I change mine, naughty, for him, good, neat, kind, not greedy." These utterly false words shock your gullible son or daughter. It is not known how deep they sink into the soul and how painfully they hurt it. Perhaps the complexes that so rudely come to light in adolescence were sown in childhood, when the child was inspired that he was so bad that he could even be exchanged for another ...

"You're already big!"

The phrase is useful if it is said by the way and not too often. The "big" boy will not offend the younger one, the "big" girl will set the table herself and wash the plate after herself. With the word "big" mother shows her faith in the child's capabilities: he will reach the right place with his legs, endure when he is thirsty, will not whimper and be capricious when he is tired. Do not forget to remember this phrase when you go to the theater with your child, to the circus, take him with you as an adult guest, so that the word "big" is not associated only with difficulties that must be overcome. The child should know that being big is also profitable.

It is more difficult if another baby has appeared in the family. At this point, the elder automatically becomes big, even if he is not even three. How often in this case, parents forget that he is, in fact, very small and immensely in need of affection and tenderness. Endlessly appealing to his seniority, you can inadvertently plant in the elder the conviction that he is not loved. They only love the little ones. Why does the elder always have to give in to him, give away the best toys, clean up for two and pay alone for common faults? Why is mom endlessly touched by a tiny brother or sister, and the older one seems to be dead? Are you not afraid that your half-abandoned "big" will hate the crumbs adored by everyone - the little one?

"I Don't Need You"

Listen to what you say! Don't you need him, your sunshine, your best baby in the world?

Many “educational” phrases for us, parents, just fly out automatically. We heard them from our parents, and now our children hear them from us. Without trying to “filter” our speech, we can cause significant harm to the child, because all our intimidation, reproaches and warnings will forever remain a “voice in his head”, which at the most inopportune moment can lead a person astray, force him to give up something important and significant in his life. Let's try to figure out what the child is "programmed" for and what well-known parental words lead to.

1. “If you don’t obey, I’ll give you to a neighbor”, “If you don’t sleep, the gray wolf will take you”, “If you run away, the evil uncle will pick you up and take you with him”

Different situations, different phrases, but one essence - to frighten the child in order to achieve obedience. It works flawlessly, because the worst thing for a child is to be separated from his mother, but it has a significant “side effect” - a child can simply develop a neurosis from these horror stories. Such words do not teach the child to understand why it is dangerous to run away or disobey the mother - they simply inspire fear. By frightening a child with babikas, evil uncles and other characters, we can make him a neurosthenic who will be frightened of any rustle, but will not understand what to do to avoid danger. It is better to explain to the child in an accessible way why he should do something, and what will happen if he does not.

2. “If you eat poorly, you won’t grow up (you will be weak, girls won’t love, etc.)”

This is the same horror story, because we are again trying to intimidate the child with some bad consequences from his actions. If you want to instill in your child the habit of healthy food and diet - find something that will really motivate, not intimidate. As an option: tell stories about heroes who defeat villains only because they eat healthy porridge in the morning, or set an example of a strong and courageous dad who never refuses a delicious lunch.

3. “If you make faces, you will forever remain with such a face”, “If you pick your nose, you will break your finger”

Children are children for that, in order to grimace and be mischievous, but sometimes this is not at all appropriate, so such habits must be gently corrected. To intimidate a child with something that will never happen in life is completely pointless, so we choose a different tactic: we tell the child why it is not right to rage, grimace and pick your nose. For persuasiveness, you can say that real heroes grow only from obedient and diligent kids, and as an example, you can name positive characters from your favorite cartoon.

4. “Well, why are you so awkward, you always break everything”, “Don’t go in, I’ll do it myself”, “Your hands are inserted in the wrong end”

According to parents, this harsh criticism is designed to help the child become independent, learn to do something on his own, not break or spoil things. Understand that when breaking a new toy, spilling milk or breaking a plate, the child really wants to learn independence, but he is still too small and he needs help. When, in response to his actions, he hears such things, he, on the contrary, gives up: why do something if I still do it badly and my mother scolds me. Then apathetic and lack of initiative adults grow up out of such children, who, in all seriousness, consider themselves to be incapable of failures and do not even get down to business. Instead of criticism and censure, parents need patience and a desire to help when the child asks for it - the rest will come by itself.

5. “Vanya has already eaten porridge, but you are still digging”, “Everyone has normal children, but you always ...”, “Aunt Masha Petya studies for one five, and you ...”

Such phrases will never encourage a child to improve their studies or achieve something, because for a child they are a sign that parents love him not by himself, but for his achievements. Comparing children is generally not effective: all children are different, with different abilities and opportunities. A child can reveal his talents to the maximum only when he is sure that he is loved and accepted by anyone: slow, unsportsmanlike, with triples in his diary. It is this acceptance and support that should be emphasized. Otherwise, self-esteem falls, the child may withdraw into himself and dislike the object of comparison very much.

6. “You are the best with us”, “No one from your class is even a match for you”

It is clear that for any parents their child is the best, but being the best and most beloved for mom and dad and being better than all other people are two different things. Someone will object: “But you need to praise the child ?!”. It is necessary, but such statements are not praise, but simply empty praises that give rise to a “star fever” in a child. Meanwhile, he will have to live in a world where no one will admire him and consider him the best. Starting from school, the child is evaluated: first by teachers, then by teachers at a school or university, then by a potential employer. None of them will express stormy enthusiasm and consider the grown child to be unique, irreplaceable and the very best. In addition, the child is not stupid either, and if he understands that he is objectively “losing” to someone in something, such statements will only give rise to disappointment: mom and dad are lying to me, I’m not the best. If you want to praise, you need to praise for specific deeds and actions (“You are so good that you wrote a test for five”), and it is better to talk about the fact that the child is the best only in the context of the fact that he is the best for mom and dad.

7. “Until you eat, you won’t go for a walk”, “Until you collect toys, I won’t turn on cartoons”

Up to a certain point, an attempt to “bargain” with a child will bear fruit in the form of the desired behavior. But children grow and learn, first of all, from their parents. At an older age, the child will begin to “bargain” with his parents in the same way: I will study if I buy a new phone, I will wash the dishes if I let me go for a walk, etc. The “quid pro quo” tactic generally distorts the child’s idea of ​​why certain things need to be done: for example, toys need to be collected so that the room is in order, and not so that mom has mercy and turns on the cartoon, but with such tactics the child won't get it. If the child should or should not do something, then you just need to explain your position, and not bargain with the child for the desired behavior in exchange for concessions and permissions.

8. “I won’t go anywhere with such a dirty child”, “I won’t love you so harmful”

As usual: the goal is obedience and the right behavior, but the remedy is from the category of life-crippling. The fact is that the child needs confidence in his mother's love without any conditions. Such phrases indicate the opposite: a child is loved, but only good, obedient, calm, clean, etc. It turns out that the task of the child in this case is not to be himself, but to meet parental expectations. And where do you order the child to put his other no less natural manifestations: whims, tears, discontent? All this goes into self-doubt, fears and resentments that the child will carry through his whole life.

9. “Why did I give birth to you at all”, “It would be better if we had a girl / boy”

Most often, such phrases fly out in moments of intense anger, when parents cannot cope with their emotions. For a child, these are very scary words, because at this moment the parents reject him at the level of existence, giving the message: "It would be better if you weren't there." It is simply unbearable for a child to live with such a burden, because for him his parents are his whole world, and this world does not seem to need him.

10. “I didn’t make a career because of you”, “If it weren’t for you, we would have rested at sea every year”

Of course, a child greatly changes the life of the family and the priorities of a woman, but the child himself is not to blame for the fact that his appearance violated someone's plans. You are an adult and you are responsible for your life, not a defenseless and dependent creature. Such phrases “reward” the child with a burden of responsibility for the life of their parents and a sense of guilt, for their unfulfilled dreams and plans.

Moms take note!

Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me, but I’ll write about it))) But I have nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too ...

11. “I don’t care what you want there, do as I said”, “Who asks you at all”, “I said so, it means so”

Not the most successful attempt to show firmness of will and character. Such orders without an attempt to discuss and hear the opinion of the child is very hard pressure, and the more pressure, the stronger the resistance. Insisting on your own, always explain to the child why it should be this way, and sympathize if his desires do not coincide with the need to do something, and sometime just let the child make his choice - so he will learn to decide for himself what he needs, and justify your position. Otherwise, extremes can await you: from a weak-willed person who is unable to decide anything, because his mother has always decided everything for him, to a desperate rebel who, in any situation, “blows his own line” and does not hear anyone.

12. “How you exhausted me, probably, the pressure has risen”, “You are yelling so that my head is cracking from you”, “If you behave like this, I will get upset and get sick”

These phrases are an attempt to play on the child's fear of losing his mother. Manipulating this fear is very dangerous, because in this way you make the child responsible for his life and health. In this situation, if something really happens to you, the child will live all his life with the conviction that it happened through his fault. If you need to calm the child, methodically explain to him why you can’t scream, stomp, knock, throw a ball at home, etc. This will require more effort and time, but will not harm or injure the child.

13. “Better stay out of my sight”, “Disappear so that I don’t see you here at all”

With these phrases, you also reject the child, and for him it is very scary and painful. When you can’t cope with your emotions, act like in a plane crash: you first need to put on the “oxygen mask” on yourself, and only then take care of the child. Your "oxygen mask" could be going to another room, a slow count to 10, a sip of water, that is, something that will return you to a normal state in which you definitely won't say such things.

14. "Yes, just leave me alone"

If there are any prohibitions for the child, they should be "iron". Similar phrases are heard when the mother resisted for a long time, and then gave up, if only the child would fall behind. At this moment, the baby begins to understand: “If you can’t, but ask for a long time or cry plaintively, then you can.” For a child, this means that any prohibition can be broken with certain efforts, and you yourself dig this hole of manipulations and destroyed prohibitions.

15. “If you do this again, you won’t see cartoons anymore”, “If you say such a word again, you will be left without walks”

The main problem in trying to punish a child with deprivation of something is that these threats most often do not come true. This means that after a couple of such cases, the child will not even react to these words: all the same, the mother will not do anything. Either keep your word (but then choose a punishment that is adequate to the situation), or do not shake the air in vain.

16. “Now calm down”, “Well, quickly fell silent!”, “Stand normally”

These rude shouts are more like training elements than communication with a beloved child. Even a small child is already a person who must be respected, and communication in such a tone is in no way associated with respect. Keep in mind that every rude word spoken to a child will come back to you in the future with even more rudeness and neglect.

17. “I found something to roar about, what nonsense!”, “Well, why did you dismiss the nurses because of a trifle”

Adults and children look at things differently, so trifles can really be a whole tragedy for a baby. With such phrases, you devalue his feelings and show that his problems seem ridiculous to you. At the same time, the child does not receive understanding and acceptance, remains unheard and learns to hide his true feelings: there is no one to pour them out anyway.

18. “I won’t buy you anything, I don’t have money”

Shopping is often accompanied by various "buy" from the child, and adults often stop this begging with one phrase "no money." The only thing the child can take out of this situation is that his parents are losers who cannot buy him anything. It is better to teach a child to control his desires not by the lack of finances, but by the understanding that, for example, eating a lot of sweets is harmful, and buying another transformer when there are already 10 of them is not reasonable. To do this, you need to logically explain your refusals, and not dismiss the phrase “no money”.

19. “Don’t invent, there’s no one there”, “Stop crying, there’s nothing to worry about in the dark”

Children have a wild imagination, so there are always some fears: rustles, shadows, darkness, monsters under the bed and babikes in the closet. These fears are normal feelings for a child and should be accepted and not ignored. Reassure the baby, check and make sure with him that there is nothing to be afraid of. Brushing a child off and even scolding him for his fears only encourages him to not share anything and keep everything to himself. Sometimes unexperienced childhood fears turn into serious phobias that will poison life even in adulthood.

20. “Oh, how ill-mannered you are”, “Oh, you are greedy”, “Oh, what a dirty, like a pig”

All these phrases are of a negative evaluative nature, for the child this is the message "I'm bad." In general, it is very strange to condemn a child for some imperfections, because he is the way you bring him up. If you want a child to grow up cultured, generous and careful, teach him this yourself, show him how to behave, and do not criticize.