"The main thing is to get along with yourself." Psychological exercise “Would you be friends with yourself? How to learn to get along with yourself

It is very difficult for all of us to exist alone; it is for these reasons that philosophers say that loneliness is worse than poverty. In our lives, those around us, colleagues and friends have a huge role; they are able to make life brighter, full of emotions and events. This is why it is important to learn to get along with the people who are around us.

How to get along with people: rules of communication

"People" and "others" are abstract concepts, so let's break them down into a few categories and look at how to get along with some of them.

Let's first look at how to get along with friends. Try to be who you are, because your friends love you for who you are, and pretense will lead to the fact that all your disadvantages will come out. That is why we insist that you need to communicate sincerely and simply.

In addition, you yourself must treat your friends with respect and accept them for who they are. There is no need to correct them and adjust them to suit you. Everyone is different, you just need to learn how to get along with people.

But sometimes we are annoyed by some quality of our friends, in such cases we advise you to talk to your friend about this topic, and be sure to clarify what irritates him about you. During the conversation, try not to reproach each other, otherwise your conversation may end badly, just remember the purpose of your conversation is to eradicate problems.

Before you think about how to get along with people, just think about how you behave in a team, how often you get offended by your friends. It is resentment over trifles that leads to quarrels. You should not interfere in the personal life of your girlfriend or boyfriend.

If he decides to spend time with his significant other, there is no need to be offended by him and say that he exchanged communication with you for this “goat”, remember, everyone should have their own personal life, so try to respect the interests and opinions of your friends.

What should you never do?

You should never speak badly about friends, especially behind their back, don’t let others judge them, and don’t do it yourself. Not today, but tomorrow, your friend will learn about your opinions on this or that matter in a distorted form, and he will forever change his opinion about you. No one wants to tell secrets to a hypocrite and a liar.

Never laugh at a friend. You can joke and tease your friend, but never make fun of him in front of others, because by doing so you are putting him in a stupid position.

How to get along with your boss

Work is not only about fulfilling any duties, but also about relationships with people. If you want to raise your level in your career, then you will have to build relationships with your superiors. Here are a couple of tips that will help you answer the question “How to get along with your boss?”

Watch your image; you should be dressed appropriately where you work. Naturally, you should be neat, the aroma of your perfume should not be strong. You should look so that you are pleasant to look at. Besides all this, you need to be a positive person to get along with people easily.

None of your colleagues should guess that you are in a bad mood or that something has happened. Always smile and give people positivity. Present yourself to your boss only from the positive side. Tell him only good news. This will be very beneficial for you.

Try to be loyal. If your boss is nervous or worried, do not be the cause of these worries. Therefore, if you are assigned any kind of work, do it with great pleasure.

To get along with your boss, get to know your boss. Understand his desires and logic. After all, if more often you coincide with the wishes of your boss, the more he will value and respect you as a good employee. Take into account his characteristics and try to understand what he expects from you. Just never lose your self.

If you do not agree with your boss, or something does not suit you, then do not argue with him, but offer your own options. Suddenly he will like it, and this is only a plus for you. Do this as tactfully as possible. Be a good professional in your field. A job well done will please your boss. Take on responsibility and difficult tasks.

Professionals never say, “I’m perfect.” She is always working on herself to be better and better. Become one of the best in your company. Improve your work, come up with new options, but before you show it to your superiors, check your work carefully, and it is advisable to check it on yourself.

To get along with your boss, you must perform well. If you adhere to the rules, then you can safely count on the gratitude of your manager. We hope that in the future you will need these tips and you will be a good specialist in your field. And when asked how to get along with your boss, you will no longer have to look for an answer.

How to get along different people in the same family

There is a law in physics that different polarities attract. But in life it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes when you ask young people why they broke up, you hear a rather banal answer - they didn’t get along. So it turns out that different people cannot come together and live a full life? It is not always so.

It’s possible to get along – although it’s difficult

After all, a lot depends not only on the character of a person. The feelings they feel are one of the main components in a relationship. And if they are sincere, it means that different characters will complement each other. Therefore, how to get along with different people in the same family is a question only for those who do not want or cannot do this. But still, we will reveal its entire essence.

The most important thing is that you must think and understand one truth: that there are no people alike in everything. And you are just as different in character, opinions and interests. There is no need to make a tragedy out of this. It is already enough that you are together and you feel good together;

Find a common language in everything. In order to get along with different people in the same family, you should not immediately quarrel over trifles. You don’t like that your significant other sits at the computer for a long time, and you need to complete some task or send an important document by mail - just talk about it. Find a way out of this or another situation. Agree who, when and how will use it;

Communication. This is the main thing in the relationships of all people, especially when there is a goal for different people in the same family to get along. The more you communicate, the more you will find common ground. Communicate on completely different topics, because communication is the solution to all situations, and you will also be diversified;

You can even start making friends. Remember how as a child you were friends with your peers, what you found in each other’s interests and this brought you closer. So it is in this case. Knowing your partner's interests, you can do your favorite activities together;

You can also do a joint task in order to get along with different people in the same family - cleaning a room, moving furniture, making repairs, etc. Believe me, this will help you get even closer and feel idyllic in your relationship;

Think about the very purpose of your existence. After all, each of us was born to do a good deed not only for our loved ones, but also for complete strangers. And you don’t always do it for money, in order to make it good for you and those around you.

So - think about this for yourself, and you will understand that it is not so difficult for different people in the same family to get along, and even people with completely different personalities can live happily ever after; the laws of life that different people do not get along will seem like a trifle to you.

The creative and life path of the great French writer and philosopher Voltaire is an amazing example of active longevity. He lived to be 84 years old and managed to maintain his creative impulse, colossal efficiency and optimism until his last years.
At the end of the seventh decade, he wrote the famous philosophical life-affirming story “Candide, or Optimism.” The hero confidently leaves the beautiful utopian world of Eldorado, choosing a different fate. He prefers the path of life, full of dangers, passions and adversities, to serene happiness and peace. The hero, whose thoughts are dear and close to Voltaire, calls for cultivating “our garden.” The garden in this case symbolizes human life, which must be protected from evil, troubles and negative passions. And the most important thing in life, according to Voltaire, is the ability to rejoice in happiness, light, every day you live, and worship the good both in the world around you and within yourself.
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Voltaire was convinced that the possibilities of the human mind are limitless. And it is on the “mood of mind” that a person’s health, not only spiritual, but also physical, depends. Voltaire's own body was a source of inexhaustible interest. He studied its laws, recorded observations and drew conclusions. At the age of forty, he admitted that he had finally learned to understand his own body and could now overcome his illnesses and illnesses. And there were a lot of them.

In his youth, Voltaire was constantly plagued by painful nervous disorders. His tendency to depression too often knocked him out of the rhythm of life. From his youth, Voltaire was tormented by severe and frequent indigestion.
“Only work saves us from three great evils: boredom, vice and need.”

Secondly, the human body requires regular exercise and training. They must be dosed and formulated taking into account health and age. Each period of life has its own loads. "Those who do not behave according to their age always pay for it." It is interesting that Voltaire believed that only a person himself can choose the measure of stress for himself.
Thirdly, every person who cares about their health should adhere to an individual diet. “What is useful for some is destructive for others,” “You can’t eat what you don’t know, what you’re not sure about.”
Voltaire's sensible views on health were far ahead of their time. Voltaire saw the cause of most diseases in immoderate gluttony and overeating. "Skilled cooks are killers, poisoning entire families with their stews and appetizers." Voltaire considered interesting conversations and philosophical debates to be the main dish of friendly feasts. “The greatest pleasure an honest man can feel is to give pleasure to his friends.” Moreover, pleasure meant not only actions, but also gifted smart thoughts.
At the first sign of illness, Voltaire immediately went to bed, throwing away all his work, and went hungry. He refused food until complete recovery, allowing only plenty of drinking. When Voltaire became infected with severe smallpox, which claimed the lives of a third of the population of Paris, he was determined to overcome the terrible disease. After his healing, he said that he owed his cure to eight portions of emetic, complete hunger and two hundred pints of lemonade. Lemonade was water with a little lemon juice added.

Voltaire was very skeptical about medicine, but he preferred not to quarrel with doctors, believing that the advice of sober doctors should not be neglected. A great scoffer, Voltaire vehemently ridiculed medical superstitions. He made fun of the belief that one should learn from animals, since animals are supposedly healthier than people. “The longevity of deer and crows is proverbial, but let them show me at least one deer or crow that lived as long as the Marquis de Saint-Aulaire,” wrote Voltaire. The aforementioned marquis lived for almost a hundred years.

Perhaps he loved life too much to die or allow himself calm inaction. Or maybe he really managed to embody the secret of life, which in his young years, at the dawn of his biography as a writer, he defined as “the main thing is to get along with yourself.”

or a stupid question from a psychologist that works wonders

A stupid question from a psychologist who works miracles (self-development, self-analysis techniques)

Once, at “psychological environments,” we, the participants, were asked to creatively comprehend one simple question. At first we even laughed when we heard it, it sounded so “cool.” And then suddenly everyone suddenly had no time for laughter. The reality around her began to change with monstrous speed, her eyes began to spin like carousels, and her head began to spin as if Alice had taken a sip from Carroll’s “strange” bottle.

We saw ourselves from the outside, in a three-dimensional version, from above and at a distance, “in all our glory” - which is impossible in nature without a video camera...

I offer this question to you too - not just like that, but to work on it. Because this is not a question, but an invitation to a psychological exercise. The exercise began as soon as you heard the question, without your asking. It's not too late to close the article.

“Please tell me, if you were another person, would you want to... be friends - with yourself?”

Imagine that you are some other person. You don’t know “yourself” yet. And suddenly you meet yourself somewhere. So: you, that hypothetical (other, stranger) would want to come up to your (real) self, talk, introduce yourself, get closer, make friends, rely on in difficult times, invite to your house, go somewhere together, offer an interesting work, give a gift, start a venture?..

No. Not particularly. (Isn't it true?..)

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Exercise “Would you be friends with yourself?”

What is this anyway?

And how to work with this psychological exercise?

Although this psychological exercise grows out of the rhizome of the Two Chairs Technique (Gestalt), I think of it as a metaphor for “latent video recording” (NLP).

There is a joke going around: “I listen to my voice in the recording... and I’m surprised - How?? Do I still have friends?!..”

Hey, get it together! (number 1)

Psychological exercise “Would you be friends with yourself?” helps me get ready. This is the first and most primitive thing it does to us, smeared on the mill wheel of life, crucified on vanity, wheeled by the lies of society.

The first stage of general cleaning in the House.

The thing is that usually we are not collected. We are scattered around the schedule of our work week, work day, or even just life until retirement. It is important for us to have time to submit work on time, pay for the loan and do a lot of other “important” things. So there is no time left to be more or less a pleasant person. And then the skill goes away. And then the need.

We don’t have time to thoughtfully read a post on the Internet, chew and swallow our lunch efficiently, smile at a tree, give way to a pedestrian at a traffic light, patiently talk to a neighbor’s grandmother, throw a sausage to a yard cat, find an unnecessary bowl in the house and pour water in it for this cat.

And only the question “Would you like to be friends with yourself?” points this out to us with all irony and frankness.

The most useful negative reaction: “Well, don’t be friends with me, since I’m so bad, I can manage without you!” (2)

After the first wave of thoughts about myself, a long time ago:

hurrying to God knows where (to the grave?),
has lost its external and internal attractiveness,
a completely impolite person,
with a distorted face

there comes a legitimate rejection of the proposed practice of introspection and self-flagellation. And people usually yell: “And I don’t want to please anyone here, I have my fill of things to do!”

Some people calm down on this, and they cannot be changed without the intervention of Divine Providence, which is not my part... (Some go on a further journey through the exercise, and I will help with this).

Yes, unfortunately, there are people who, with age, lose all their friends, but do not make new ones. They don't have time. They do THEIR business. Invest in themselves. It starts at age 25 or even earlier...

people suddenly noticeably prefer just friends to carefully chosen “right friends” to achieve popularity in a certain circle of society,
prefer friends to status, career, business,
prefer friends to actively searching for a groom,
prefer friends to apartment renovations,
prefer friends to their own children, who are “overfed” in the competitive fever of “whose children are more successful” and thereby spoil the children - irrevocably...

But every time such a person subsequently complains to you about:

there are evil people around, only tripping you up,
husband,
and ungrateful children, for whom they “SACRIFICED EVERYTHING”...

Such a person should be reminded that he himself gave up the benefits for which he now yearns.

Inventory of “your good stuff.” Writing a “positive resume” (3) Finding a like-minded person.

Let's wipe our snot and smile. After an icy downpour of self-flagellation, it’s time for a warm shower and tea with medicinal herbs. Don't forget to put TWO cups on the table. After all, now we will find out - what does that Other look like who would not refuse to come up to us and make friends with us. The cup on the table is for him...

Each of us is not so bad. The image of a man smeared on a squirrel wheel is caricatured, exaggerated for educational purposes. And each of us has something to be friends with.

It’s just that the treasures that we can offer people are not needed, are useful to everyone, and are not valued by everyone...

This naturally leads to the next stage of practice – the answer to the question:

“And what should that “other” person be like who would definitely want to be friends with us?

Those people who don’t want to waste time and energy trying to “please everyone” are right. This is not necessary! We need to please only those people who are able to appreciate the true treasures that are within us and which we can and wish to willingly share.

Take a pen and a piece of paper in your hands

And now we are writing two essays.

The first essay is our portrait, with our strengths and our shortcomings (in the light of the possibility of friendship and joint constructive activity)

The second essay is a hypothetical portrait of that Other person (or group of several different people) who would not be put off by our “peculiarities” and would admire our pleasant qualities.

Again - in the light of possible joint constructive activity, in another way - “friendship”.

It's time to act!

Now we have found out what we would like to do.

We outlined the range of things to do and made a brief description of topics that can make us happy and unite us with pleasant people.

We even drew portraits of these imaginary people.

Well, now, detail and specify these portraits.

And hang them on your “Wish Board”.

Life will soon confront you with these new friends. Based on joint constructive activities.

The West and us

In the West, they have recently, but seriously, been doing what this exercise is doing, which is the subject of my article.

This is done in the West by the so-called (attention!)

social innovation incubators

Social Innovation Incubator or social innovation incubator builds horizontal social connections.

Everyone knows that in society there are two types of connections, nerves: vertical and horizontal.

Vertical (power) connections are when a local police officer came to you and fined you for having trash lying around in your yard (for example, don’t judge the example too harshly).

Horizontal connections are when you get together with your neighbors and clean up the trash in the yard because it is preventing you from feeling happy. And then they got together again and installed a gate so that hooligans and vandals would not enter the yard at night...

Elena Nazarenko

Can you remember the last time you interacted with a bad or difficult person? Or a time when someone tried to jab you with words? How did you handle this situation? What was the result? How do you plan to handle such situations in the future to keep the peace and be tactful?

Of course, no matter where we go, we will always encounter bad people who contradict our ideals, people who irritate us or who are irritated by us. There are 6.4 billion people in the world, and conflicts are part of our lives. This does not mean that this is a mandatory part of it, but conflicts are expressed by emotions, and emotions originate in the instinct of self-preservation. Therefore, a person reacts to a situation in a certain way and, reflecting it, tries to protect himself.

In such situations, we can lose our heads and turn from a human being into an animal that defends itself during an attack. It `s naturally. However, we are the only living beings on the planet who are fully given reason, and we can control our behavior. So how is it done?

I am constantly asked: “How can you handle negative feedback on your articles? They are awful! I don’t think I could bear it!” My answer is simple: “You need to throw away all negative emotions from the very beginning.” This is not always easy and may require effort at first to overcome this natural desire to immediately defend yourself and snap back.

I know it's not easy, but if it were easy, then there wouldn't be complicated or bad people in the world.

Why control perception?

1. We hurt ourselves.

Here is one of my favorite sayings: “If you hold a grudge against someone, you are like a weirdo who drinks poison and thinks that his enemy will die from it.”. The only person we hurt in such a situation is ourselves. When we have negative emotions, we ourselves disturb the peace of our inner world and hurt ourselves with our thoughts.

2. It's not about you, it's about them.

I noticed that when people act inappropriately, this is the state of their inner world that has come out and you just got caught in the hot hand. And if it was not addressed to you personally, why take it as a personal insult? Our ego just likes problems and conflicts. Very often, people are unhappy and have a hard time dealing with their own problems, and they want those around them to become the same.

For example, the more we say how much we dislike someone, the more hatred we feel towards that person and the more outrageous behavior we see of them. Stop giving energy to it, stop thinking and talking about it. Try your best not to tell this story to other people.

6. Imagine yourself in the other person's shoes

Very often we forget that our vision of the situation is one-sided. Try to put yourself in the shoes of the person on the other side and think about how you might have offended them. Such understanding will give you the opportunity to become reasonable and, perhaps, you will feel sorry for your offender.

7. Learn lessons

No situation is useless if you can learn from it and become a better person because of it. No matter how bad things turn out, there is always a gift hidden in them - a lesson from a given situation. Take advantage of these lessons.

8. Avoid bad people

Bad people drain energy. These very unhappy people may want to ruin your mood because they don't want them to be the only ones unhappy. Know this! If you have a lot of time and don't believe that anyone can feed off your energy, continue to associate with bad people. In all other cases, I recommend that you limit such communication. Move away bad people, avoid communicating with them as much as possible. Remember that you can always choose people whose qualities you admire - optimistic, positive, peaceful, kind people - and surround yourself with them. As Katie Sierra said: “ If you want the world to change, change it».

9. Become an observer

When we become observers of our own feelings, thoughts and situations, we separate ourselves from our emotions. We stop getting caught up in our emotions and letting them eat away at us, but instead, we watch them with a detachment. When you realize that emotions and thoughts are starting to take over you, try to breathe evenly and deeply.

10. Go for a run

... or swim, or do some other physical exercise. Exercise can help you let off steam. Use exercise as a tool to clear your mind and release negative energy.

11. Worst case scenario

Ask yourself two questions:

1. What's the worst case scenario if I don't respond?

2. What is the best case scenario if I react?

Very often, the answers to these questions will clarify the situation and you may realize that there will be no benefit from what you answer. You will only waste your energy and disturb your inner peace.

12. Avoid heated discussions

When we are on edge, we definitely want to prove that we are right, to protect ourselves for our own sake. Reason and common sense rarely bring us to such discussions. If a discussion is necessary, wait until passions have died down before starting it.

13. The most important thing

Write a list of the most important things in your life. Then ask yourself: “Does my relationship with this person affect the most important things in my life?”

14. Give compliments

It doesn't always work, but sometimes when people try to badmouth you, they are caught off guard. Praise the person for something he did well, tell him that you learned something new by communicating with him, and perhaps this will become an offer to make friends. Do not forget that you need to be sincere. You may have to dig deep to find anything in this person that you can truly appreciate.

15. Let it all out

Take a piece of paper and dump all your random and negative thoughts on it, write everything you think and don’t edit. Write until you have written everything you want and you have nothing left to write. And then roll the paper into a ball, close your eyes and imagine that all the negative energy is in this paper ball. Throw this ball in the trash. And forget about it!

** How do you get along with people with complex characters? What has worked well in your practice? How do you cool down when you're angry? Share your thoughts in the comments. We'll meet there!